One in a row....

I mentioned a few days ago that the Arizona Republic seems to have completely missed the passing of SB1271. I was incorrect. I made the mistake of searching for the actual bill number, thinking that the official newspaper of the State of Arizona might list the activities of the legislature correctly. After reading the Fox News story about SB1271, I did some further research and found this gem, buried in the April 9, 2005, Southeast Valley Opinions section:

Oh, shoot, legislators are at it again

This fine example of the literary art was written by Steve Abaroa, a journalism teacher at Highland High School in Gilbert, Arizona.

Let us fisk....

The more I see our illustrious legislators in action the more I am proud to state to the world I DID NOT VOTE FOR ANY OF THEM!

An excellent introductory sentence, using satire to display contempt for the duly elected representatives of the people of the State of Arizona. Do you suppose the author is a democrat?

Currently these self proclaimed gurus of education are trying to add a new "R" to the standard three. They now want students to learn reading, 'riting, 'rithmetic, and rifling.

Hmmm....I wasn't aware that advanced gunsmithing was going to be taught in our government schools. Rifling, the act of cutting lands and grooves into a barrel, may not be exactly what he had in mind. Perhaps he meant to say Riflery, the skill and practice of shooting a rifle. Of course, he could have meant "Rifling" as in "to search with the intent to steal," but given the context of the complete article I doubt that is the case. I certainly hope that he teaches his students to do a better job of using the correct terminology than he demonstrates. A coherent thesis statement might be helpful also. The actual subject of this rant is not revealed until the end of the fourth paragraph, so the casual reader who simply skims the beginning of the article may actually think that students are being taught to "search with the intent to steal." This might actually be the case. After all, this is the school where kids steal, torture, and kill pets for fun and excitement before football games. We'll assume for the moment that the reader is psychic and knows the authors intent before actually reading it.

Is there going to be an AIMS test for this?

We still don't know the actual subject of the article, but now we are expected to answer questions about it. Typical government school behavior: give the test before teaching the class. For the rest of this fisk, we'll assume that the reader has a crystal ball and knows that the op/ed piece is about SB1271. I don't think that the AIMS tests have a marksmanship or gun safety section, but if Mr. Abaroa is truly concerned about standardized testing for a marksmanship program, he will be happy to know that there is a plethora of standard tests for measuring both speed and accuracy with a firearm. I can't wait to see a bunch of high school seniors practicing the 'El Presidente' drill.

Is this going to help students balance their checkbooks?

No, silly, that's what math class is for. If you stuck your head out of your own classroom once in a while, you might notice that there are other teachers in the building besides yourself and that the subjects they teach are different from yours. I don't expect the choir teacher to help my daughter with her algebra homework, but apparently Mr. Abaroa expects the firearm safety instructors to teach every class in the school. Now that I think about it, that may not be a bad idea.

How about this newest curriculum to solve our bully challenges?

I really don't understand why Mr. Abaroa insists on asking questions that are completely unrelated to the subject. Home Economics won't help solve the bully problem. Neither will algebra, band, chemistry, or journalism. Pull your head out and stay on topic, dude.

Will this newest subject help in the small-motor, eye-hand coordination, thus helping in the long run with our students' penmanship?

This is a definite possibility. I always insist on clear handwriting on score sheets, as do all of the other coaches I know. Thank you for pointing out a hidden benefit of this program.

Are we finally going to be No. 1 in the education world by becoming No. 1 in the urban-survival world?

Hmmmm.....now that would be a fun class to teach: Urban Survival 101. Think how long the waiting list would be to sign up. Perhaps we should get a Senator to propose a bill to include this in the course roster. Again, thank you for the suggestion.

And the funding for such a topic will come from where?

This is actually a relevent question. SB1271 did not include a funding provision, so I'm assuming that it will be funded the same way the Wickenburg Rifle Team is funded: donations. Wouldn't if frost Mr. Abaroa if the school shooting teams received more donations than the school journalism teams? Do they even have journalism teams? After Rathergate, does anyone actually want to make a living as a journalist anymore? Or is it just a job to get you by until something better comes along, such as waiting tables at Denny's?

Whenever it rains in Gilbert, our students keep their umbrellas open inside our building because it leaks so badly, but there is never enough money to fix the dripping waterfalls.

I may be going out on a limb here, but if y'all are to stupid and/or lazy to put some wet-patch on your roof you deserve to be wet.....both days that it rains.

So why is there enough money to force students to take a gun-safety class?

Force? Who said anything about 'forcing' students to take the class? Did you actually read the bill before you started ranting about it?

.....EACH SCHOOL DISTRICT AND CHARTER SCHOOL MAY OFFER AS AN ELECTIVE COURSE A ONE-SEMESTER COURSE.....

As a journalism teacher, I would hope that Mr. Abaroa knows the difference between may versus shall and elective versus compulsory, but then again perhaps he doesn't. Your homework for today is to look up the definitions of these words and use them in a sentence. A coherent sentence, if you please.

We have teachers in classrooms filled with students wall-to-wall.

Per GreatSchools.net, the school Mr. Abaroa teaches at has a student to teacher ratio of 17.3 to 1. The state average is 19.8 to 1. Total enrollment is 2391, with an attendence rate of 97%. I wasn't able to find the square footage of the school, so the "wall to wall" statement will have to be taken at face value. That's ok with me though....I'm quite happy teaching under a tree. Or at the range.

We have buildings that are mold-infested.

I searched online for any mentions of mold infestations in Gilbert schools without any success. I did find one article about mold in a school in Tempe, but I'm sure this is not the case Mr. Abaroa is referring to. If this were the case he was referring to, journalistic integrity would compel Mr. Abaroa to mention that a) this school is not in his area, b) this happened in 2002, c) the problem has been fixed, and d) no one was injured or became sick as a result of the mold. I'm sure he would mention it. Really.

We have experienced teachers leaving due to their low wages. We have a continuous funding problem.Yet, gun safety could be another unfunded mandate.

I haven't done a full financial analysis of the Gilbert government school system, so I can't offer an opinion on the low wages or a funding problem. I can suggest, however, that if the parents actually liked the school they would be more inclined to make use of the Arizona school donation tax credit. I thought that it might be possible that as a teacher Mr. Abaroa might not be privy to the full financial status of the district, so I sent an email to the district superintendent, Brad Barrett. In his reply, Mr. Barrett stated "Our community supports our district in every way . So we are not worried that they will vote to fund our bonding authority in November." (Don't gripe at me about the sentence structure....that was cut directly from the email - Ed) Apparently funding is not nearly as big an issue as Mr. Abaroa would like his readers to think it is. Chicken Little, anyone?

Shouldn't parents pay for this class and shouldn't this class be offered outside of school?

Hello? Parents do pay for it. It's called taxation. Every property owner in the district pays for it. Why shouldn't the class be offered at the school? Isn't that what schools are for? The Highland High School website offers this as part of the school Mission Statement: Highland High School students will experience an innovative, interdisciplinary curriculum to enable lifelong learning. Is this program not innovative? I believe that it is the first of it's kind in the nation.

Why would these legislators force the schools to do something that parents should be doing?

While I agree that parents should be teaching their children about gun safety, the fact is that not as many parents in urban areas own guns as did in the past. This is an opportunity for the schools to fill in or expand upon an area that parents might not be comfortable with or able to teach. Just like sex and drugs. Parents should be teaching their children about that also, but I doubt that Mr. Abaroa would support cutting the sex and drug education programs from the curriculum. After all, those programs are socially responsible. Or should that be socialistically responsible? In this section, Mr. Abaroa also uses the term force again, as if the legislature is holding a gun to his head (figuratively speaking, of course) and forcing him to teach the course. Is it to much to ask that a journalism teacher actually read the bill that is the subject of his screed? The bill very plainly says elective, dumbass. Perhaps Mr. Abaroa is a graduate of the fake but accurate school of journalism.

Once again our legislators want teachers to take over the role of a parent. We seem to now have to monitor what students eat.

Why is this a problem now? Could it be because this particular course isn't part of the "socially responsible" liberal agenda? Forcing Christian kids to pray in the name of Allah doesn't infringe on the role of the parents, but offering an elective course in marksmanship does?

We are required to ensure students' safety to and from their homes' doorsteps.

Perhaps if the zero tolerance zealots would allow kids to defend themselves without fear of prosecution and/or persecution by the schools that wouldn't be necessary. Don't bitch about getting what you ask for.

If they really want us to take over the parenting of our students, fine. But first, here are a few rules that need to be followed.
• Only one hour of TV a night, and bedtime is at 7 p.m. for elementary, 8 p.m. for junior high, and 9 p.m. for high schoolers.
• Students will do homework before dinner, sports, dates and TV.
• Students will wear clothes! No more short dresses, low-cut blouses, low-cut pants, and all boys' pants will be worn at the hips not below the rear ends.
• Students will do their own work and not copy from others, or from the Internet.
• Students will show respect - respect for anything and everything.
• Students will think of others instead of only themselves.

Which way do you want it, bud? Do you want to be in charge or don't you? Make up your mind.

Worrying about bedtime? If your class is so boring that the kids fall asleep, perhaps you should make it more interesting.

Problems with kids not doing homework? Here's a thought: give them a lower grade! Actually hold them responsible for their actions. You might be surprised how many kids actually do understand concepts like responsibility. You might also be surprised to find out how many of them have your number and know that a sob story about their home life will get them out of having to turn anything in. Suck it up. You're their teacher...not their buddy.

Clothing? If you're that worried about what the little girls are wearing, perhaps you shouldn't be around kids. Again, if the classes are so boring that clothing can distract the students then the teacher is at fault, not the clothes.

Plagiarism problems? How about coming up with some original assignments? Things that the kids can't plagiarize. Put some effort into it.

Respect? You have to earn that one. If you don't deserve it, you won't get it. If you're not getting it, perhaps you should change the way you present yourself.

Think of others instead of themselves? Hello? Weren't you ever a teenager? Get real.

I find it fascinating that I don't have any of these problems with my students......and I teach under a tree! Perhaps it's the subject matter, perhaps it's the teacher.

Unfortunately, the legislators and parents will never let schools put these rules into effect, but they will still force us to take over more the role of parents with a silly little class like gun safety.

A silly little class? Going back to the Highland High School Mission Statement, Highland High School students, in a positive/accepting environment, will master the skills and knowledge which enable them to be responsible members of society. I will happily debate anyone who wants to take the position that a knowledge of gun safety is not part of being a responsible member of society. Anyone. Anytime. Anywhere. With all of his complaining listed above, Mr. Abaroa certainly does not seem to be positive and accepting to the idea of letting the students choose to take an interesting, fun course that might actually save their life. Apparently the lefties are only positive and accepting towards ideas that fit their agenda.

The same Mission Statement contains this phrase: Highland High School students, parents, and educators will share responsibility for quality education and will be committed to all students' success. I can only assume that Mr. Abaroa would like to have that amended to read all students that share the left wing mamby pamby political views of their sociocrat teachers.

The article ends with the usual biographical disclaimer:

Steve Abaroa of Gilbert teaches journalism at Highland High School. He is a husband, a father of four sons, an author and a drama director. The views expressed are those of the author.

Drama director? Damn! If I had seen that first, I wouldn't have spent all this time on this goofy article. Hollywood screws everything up. Everybody knows that.

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